दोस्तों की दोस्ती ने उठा दिया मुझको
एक ज़र्रे से आफताब बना दिया मुझको
अफ़सान-इ-दर्द के सिबा कुछ नहीं
फिर भी सीने से लगा लिया मुझको
आपके कद न बढ़ा दिया मेरा कद
ज़मीन से फलक पे बिठा दिया मुझको
न जाने कब तक यूँही ठोकरे खाता मैं
आपने पत्थर से इंसान बना दिया मुझको
लफ्ज़ बेगाने से लगते थे जो कभी
आपके दाद ने शायर बना दिया …
I have heard thousands of love songs and so have others, but what lies beneath the words in every lyrics, is the only truth that love is an illusion… a total illusion created due to emotions blowing with an effect of infatuation.
Look into the eyes of your beloved, take her hand in your hands and say “I love you.” Time stops… The world starts swirling on its axis and everything becomes as colourful as a rainbow in the sky after a swift drizzling.
Everything seems so meaningful and everyone looks good. Suddenly the world seems to be blessed with all happiness. You look at flowers and they all look pink and so is your every day and night. You love and fear to lose your love. You doubt and try to possess the person and close all the doors of your heart not to let him or her go away from you. This is the second phase of love when your feelings are overwhelming in the direction where you feel more insecure than being loved.
Later comes the stage, where you know that the feelings are from both sides. This is the best part of being in love. You associate everything in your life with the partner. Be it personal emails and passwords, banking and shopping expenses both of the partners share with each other. Sometimes this stage remains for long and lovers proceed forward to get married or legally associated.
However, unfortunately every joy has an end. The feeling of being fulfilled with love is also very fickle, temporary like love itself. It disappears and the second phase retreats. However, this time you do not even have hopes to get love. Now you have conflicts and agonies..Pains for being taken granted or pains for being cheated. Conflicts often lead to distances and distance gives more pain..More agonies..!
It is all scripted…all repeated..The same has been happening from the time immemorial. People change, relationships change and our perspective toward practical life makes us to move one in life, but love remains same….so colourful…so dreamy and so painful..as it has ever been
Who am I? I am a girl, but my father wanted a son. How can I be a culprit? Is being a girl is a mistake of mine? I felt the pressure of not being a son for last 30 years. Being a girl, I never taught what to do? But more than thousand advises I got what not to do. I should be silent, I should not answer to anyone for anything. I can’t make friends especially male friends, I can’t choose my own subject for studies. I can’t choose my college, I can’t choose my interest. And at the end, I can’t choose my life partner because I have no sense of Right and wrong. I can’t vote anyone or support anyone because whom to vote will be decided by parents/ husband or guardians. I am a bonded girl who is taught you have no rights for deciding your future. Is this the story of mine only? No, it is about 63% of the female where the total population of a female in India itself is 70 crores.
Today we talk a lot about women freedom of expression, empowerment gender equality etc… but do a girl (Adult) had ever any rights to express her feelings, like, dislike or her suggestion to her parents, family or anybody? The truth is no if she expresses then she will not be counted as a good girl because our men mentality the society doesn’t allow a girl to express herself. There are certain rules made for a female. I do agree with the fact that a few of girls take advantage of freedom, but for that do all girls need to suffer. Why all that no to do is made for girls or women, why masculine gender is taught what not to do? If a son is dating a girl than it is fine but if a girl is dating a boy then it’s wrong. It is really the height of double mentality.
We can say I am feared of being a girl because my parents are scared of having a daughter. Why are they sacred? Everybody hold their own views on it. More of them say we got extra responsibilities to influence the girl child about society and had to save her from bad elements of this cruel world. And on the top of finding her life partner, dowry culture etc. When a female is pregnant her husband, family and everybody in this damn word expect a baby boy only and if the result is opposite depression can be seen on their faces. Even when a mother doesn’t get happiness and shows her disappointment it hurts more. People forget that mother, wife or so on was a little girl one day.
People talk about the good girl and bad girl. Can you imagine 87% of educated, well-mannered so-called society people thinks if a girl is virgin is the definition of a good girl or you can say if girls accept being a slave is a good girl? If a girl answer or reply or deny being salve is a bad girl.
Well, I am also facing the same. My parents taught me to be silent, they taught me what not to do even during my studies they have chosen what I should do? When I completed my studies then they decided where I should work and where I should not work. They decided when I had to marry, they poured the answer I must give any boy during marriage process. I become a displayable item where anyone of my parents’ choice can ask me any question and I had to be polite and answer they my parents wanted me to. I was not allowed to give my opinion. My family members were worried that what society will say if I don’t get married now? I mean where was that society when a boy doesn’t marry? Why all the time society and compulsion come when it is about girl’s marriage. A girl gets married and being tortured but even then, unless there is no causality she is not allowed to dissolve her marriage because what society will say? I am not against the wish of parents or on their experience of handling things but I am against of a thought when some think that a girl is a curse? Really? Am I a curse? or burden of parents? A compulsion of Husband? Or a just a baby producing machine for in-laws? Who am I? What is the real existence of girl? Well, I tell you who am I? I am a daughter who takes cares of you, I am a sister who wishes your wellness, I am a wife who supports you in all your ups and downs, I am a mother who produces you in this world. I am a girl. In India in every statement girl is called as Goddess Laxmi but in behavior and mentality, a girl is a slave of man. I have been taught that a girl is having four types, Daughter, Sister wife and a mother who is meant for Love, Care, Support, and blessings. But nobody told that these are just a saying; in the actual feeling of Men, we are just a slave. And if we will talk about equality or freedom of expression or freedom of living our own life then all these tags of relationship gets into the problem. The relationship will be broken and will be counted as a Bad Girl. And the girl goes into a depression of losing her family and she continues to start living like a slave. Women empowerment is the top most the reason for Divorce in India. Divorce is conventionally a taboo subject and considered unacceptable by the guardians of the Indian society. But, the statistics show that the ‘happily ever after’ illusion may be heading towards demise. Though India is still at 2% divorce rate globally, the percentage has doubled in the last 5 years, especially in the urban and semi-urban cities. The ‘WE’ the phenomenon is here to stay. Today’s woman is educated and financially independent, and doesn’t mind voicing her opinion or fighting for her rights. She doesn’t want to stay fulfilled, doing only the mundane household chores. She wants more for herself. She can shoulder the family responsibilities, equally (or perhaps better?) as well as the man of the house. These days, women may want to opt out of their marriage, rather than leading an unhappy married life.
As a male, When I think of all these ideologies of our society I feel ashamed of being part of this culture. I feel like an illiterate person. I feel I am living in very early eras. I am a proud father of having a baby girl and I ensure it my little princess should never feel that she is a curse, because she is a blessing of God. And I am pretty sure on one very fine day mentality of being afraid of our male ruling society will be changed to Equality of Genders.
One reason rape has traditionally not been discussed openly in India is the sense that it is something dirty, out of bounds for polite conversation, something that must not breach the perimeter of genteel society. This is part of the same culture that pushes women’s issues underground, stemming from a mentality that looks at women as either “devi” or slut. So pervasive is this influence that even writing about sexual violence, either physical or verbal, can take getting used to. One is worried more about the details sounding risque than about cataloging the crime.Therefore, one is forced to concede that when it comes to women’s issues, the gulf between the “intellectual” man and the man on the street is not as deep as one would like.
Listen to the conversations that are happening around you. In spite of the media focus on rape after the recent incidents, the conversation on rape continues to be so shamefully archaic. In India, at any rate, it is so easy to confuse literacy with education. The causal link between increased literacy and a change in attitudes is easily assumed. The only way out of a baleful social order, we are repeatedly told, is through the vaunted alleys of learning. Much stress is laid on its mind-expanding role. We often hear activists say that the politics of rape cannot be divorced from the lived reality of gender in India, and that unless more people are educated, no magnitude of protests is likely to change things on the ground. The truth is different.
When one brings up the support that the Shakti Mills rape victim received from her husband, even young, educated men come up with phrases like “That is so brave of him”. Insinuations about consent in the Tarun Tejpal case are bandied about. Women in today’s India can become lovers, but they are still, at best, accoutrements to men’s lives. Their presence is slotted into neat categories, premised on their willingness to switch from companion to wife to mother to … but always as the other.
It is as if the architecture of common sense is entirely male-dominated, and the woman, with her purported charms and chameleon-like sensuality, must locate herself on the fringes. After the Delhi protests and the recommendations of the Justice J S Verma committee, there was a moment when it seemed as though real change was in the offing.
The victim’s name was not revealed in the papers and the traditional reporting format diverged considerably from the easy way it had hitherto accommodated patriarchy. No more would unfounded assumptions find their way into news reports. The narrator’s gaze would no longer automatically focus on the woman as the mother/sister, in which case she deserved to be protected, or the seductress, in which case the sly connotation was “just deserts”.
So far, so good. But recent incidents show us a more pernicious face of gender discrimination: one that slips through in spite of the presence of all the (suspect) markers of gender sensitivity, including education. My erstwhile boss, always one to vouch for women’s rights, would speak charitably about the issue now becoming part of drawing-room conversations.
Sexual chatter and innuendo directed at women in workplaces, on the streets, in colleges that have traditionally been par for the course, he would say, would no more be allowed. People are forced to reconsider their assumptions, he gushed, when the issue reaches critical mass, as it did after the December 16 gang rape in Delhi.
Beware the “educated” man who thinks he is on women’s side. On one occasion, a student who was going to join an international airline as a stewardess asked the boss if she looked the part. In return, she was offered some blunt, offensive comments about her body, couched as praise for her “assets”.
When I learnt of this incident, my first instinct was to confront the boss. But experience told me that he would silkily distinguish his comments from his politics as the handiwork of a liberated, smooth-talking flirt. The student left for her job and the incident was forgotten.
Which is the thing. How do we, as a society, raise our voices against a crime that is so vast and variegated? Where do we draw the line between acceptance and offence? Further, is there a mental barrier that some “liberated” men cross that convinces them that they are now “feminists” free to act in abysmal ways?
Must not one’s behavior — and the Tejpal case brings to light the shocking truth of this — stand up to scrutiny time and time again and find no opportunity to hide behind politics and a misplaced self-assurance in the rightness of that politics? A few lines i would like to add on behalf of all girls..i am known to…
मैने बेटी बन जन्म लीया,
मोहे क्यों जन्म दीया मेरी माँ
जब तू ही अधूरी सी थी!
तो क्यों अधूरी सी एक आह को जन्म दीया,
मै कांच की एक मूरत जो पल भर मै टूट जाये,
मै साफ सा एक पन्ना जिस् पर पल मे धूल नजर आये,
क्यों ऐसे जग मै जनम दीया, मोहे क्यों जनम दीया मेरी माँ,
क्यों उंगली उठे मेरी तरफ ही, क्यों लोग ताने मुझे ही दे
मै जित्ना आगे बढ़ना चाहू क्यों लोग मुझे पिछे खीचे!
क्यों ताने मे सुनती हू माँ,मोहे क्यों जन्म दीया मेरी माँ?
Today after all these long years when I look back, I can’t find anyone to blame for the disasters occurred in my life other than me. But at the same time somehow my conscience doesn’t hold me responsible for those untoward incidents, which still haunt me day and night like a ghost. After all, I never wanted the things to unfold in the manner they did and slowly and steadily, only now I can imagine, I kept on losing my control on my own life. It wasn’t like that I never tried to rectify my mistakes throughout these years but somehow I felt helpless and something held me treading the right path (as preached by our parents and elders when we grow up). I always felt like a rudderless ship that submits before wind struggling fiercely trying to carve out a distinct path to reach desired destination.
So here I am..!!! It’s 2:45 a.m. and I am still struggling to regain the sleep once broken due to some uneasy dream. My mind is aimlessly wondering as usual since then and body rolling over on bed with muttering sound….. I feel like silence is killing me from inside and hinting that I am a finished chapter inching towards a traumatic end. But an innocent boy inside me – who came to Delhi loaded with dreams few years back – takes account of every misdeeds that led to my downfall and repeatedly ask, “is this the end I deserved?” Oh common! What the fuck I am thinking! Good guy, bad guy……. I thought these words were no longer part of my dictionary. Then what happened to me tonight, why I am forging into deadly past smirking over what went wrong in my stinking life. Oh now I got it … I didn’t finish my quota of liquor I had bought this evening. How could I do this to me? (I don’t exactly remember the last time when I stopped myself before consuming entire bottle of 100 piper’s whisky; but surprisingly, I fell asleep after having a peg or two this evening which is not a case with me anymore these days.) How can I disgrace a vital element of my life like this? Throughout these years, it is the same bottle which held me as a companion and never let me down at a time when everybody deserted me.
The rolled over empty whisky bottles on the floor of my room, left-overs of cigarettes and used bottle of sleeping pills welcome people who enter my room and give them a message that I am still alive and engaged in my usual business. Although there are not too many who visit my house regularly these days, except my maid, the milkman and the newspaper vendor. Among all of them only my maid “Geeta” seems too much concerned about my condition and other two guys just don’t bother about my “fucking” life style. One can understand why the maid is so much bothered as the poor lady has to clean my puke every morning she turns up. As she has done in the past innumerable times cleaning my shit and simultaneously mumbling with angst, this morning is no different for her. Somehow, she mustered some courage to vent out some anger at me in the form of an unexpected “fucking” question..”Bhaiya Aap Itna kyu pite ho?” (Brother, why do you drink so much?) I was taken by aback and at the same time thinking who the hell is she to ask me such question or for that matter any question? After all, all these years life has taught me how to run away from relationships and get confined to my own disgusted boundaries where no one can peep through and try to mend my ways. But, I don’t know why this rare act of my maid has jeer out the old wound I always tried to hide from the eyes of the world.